


you belong among the wildflowers

by proofinyou



Series: ain't no pretty other side [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Best Friends, Bisexuality, F/F, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Mentions of Christianity, Queer Themes, Summer Camp, church camp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:14:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29123991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/proofinyou/pseuds/proofinyou
Summary: Amanda has her first kiss and begins to understand who she is, and what she wants.
Relationships: Amanda Rollins/Original Female Character(s)
Series: ain't no pretty other side [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2198898
Comments: 5
Kudos: 8





	you belong among the wildflowers

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't posted fic in so long that I don't even know how to tag anymore. This is something that came to mind when I was thinking about Amanda and how she might have come to understand and embrace her sexuality. I wanted to write something sweet for her to have experienced as a kid, given everything else. Thanks for reading. <3

Amanda Rollins has her first kiss at sleep-away church camp in the heat of the summer, exactly three months after she turns thirteen.

Worship music from the evening chapel service murmurs in the distance and the moonlight glows, illuminating the clear, country night sky. Sometimes she wonders if anyone misses them when they duck out, not that she really cares.

A fresh chigger bite on her ankle begs for her attention, but she’s currently preoccupied, consumed by the warmth of Gracie’s palm cupped lightly against her cheek as their mouths meet for the first time. It’s quick, but it’s also soft, sweeter than anything she could have dreamed up in her head. Amanda feels tingly all over, and she’s in awe of Gracie.

Gracie Lane, her best friend since they were six years old and taking tap dancing classes every Tuesday. Gracie, the cautious follower. Gracie, who fidgets during any sex scene that comes on in a movie they aren’t supposed to be watching. Gracie, her first kiss.

Amanda’s back is pressed against one of the few thick, tall trees in the field of wildflowers at the edge of the campground - _their_ field of wildflowers, they decided last year. Her blonde hair is falling from a loose ponytail after a full day. The front of her camp t-shirt, branded with a big cross and two sizes too big for her tiny frame, is stained with remnants of the Cherry Coke they shared at lunch. Gracie tells the best, most unexpected jokes, and she loves telling them as Amanda is taking a big gulp of soda.

Gracie’s lips linger now and her long, maple curls tickle Amanda’s neck. When she pulls back enough for Amanda to really see her, Gracie's eyes are wide and fiery, but there’s an undercurrent of uncertainty - or panic, even - that's already setting in.

Taking Gracie’s hand in one of her own, Amanda laces their fingers, and the corners of her mouth turn up in reassurance. Gracie’s shoulders start to relax then, and she bites her bottom lip, a little shy now in a way that Amanda knows her best. 

Amanda looks off in the distance and then locks eyes with Gracie for a beat.

“Well, I guess we’re goin’ to hell,” Amanda deadpans, always one to tell it like it is. They both snicker and Amanda drops her forehead to Gracie’s shoulder. Gracie hugs Amanda’s neck.

When Gracie steps away, she tugs at Amanda’s forearm and looks over her shoulder. “Time to head back?”

Amanda nods. They sprint toward the chapel and make it there in time for the last song, slipping through the propped-open doors, into an empty spot at the edge of a pew in the back, blending in with their fellow campers. It’s a well-practiced, perfectly-executed attempt at not drawing attention. Joining in on the final chorus, maintaining an acceptable distance, they settle back into the norms expected of them - their newest secret kept safe.

Truthfully, Amanda doesn’t believe they’re going to hell, and she could name a good number of other people who are already well on their way. She does know that her truth, as she’s beginning to understand it, isn’t welcome - not by her church, not by her school, and not by her family, either. 

Even still, as she and Gracie exchange loaded glances, Amanda thinks about when she might get to kiss her best friend again. She tries to predict whether or not kissing a boy will be just as good, and wonders if maybe she’s going to be chasing this feeling for the rest of her life.

That night in her bunk, Amanda prays to God like her momma would want. She asks for acceptance and protection, not only for herself and for her mom and Kim, but for Gracie, too. She turns onto her side, facing a sleeping Gracie in a bunk a few feet over. They’re each covered in thin bedsheets from home, bare legs peeking out.

Amanda closes her eyes and hugs her pillow, beginning to etch tonight into her memory, and her breath steadies as she starts to drift off to sleep. For the first time in a while, she thinks that maybe she has something to hope for.

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from "Wildflowers" originally by Tom Petty, but I got it from the Miley Cyrus cover, which is so good. ([Here's the Spotify link.](https://open.spotify.com/track/4L0rxWhjyX0VhNbK4U9oK6?si=_jzckxTAQ3aw3Q6htkTX4w)) This song came out in 1994, so in my head that's around the same time this fic takes place, and it was one of Amanda's favorites.


End file.
